


If only

by star_lord_15



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Drabble, Fluff and Angst, Imaginary Friends, Kinda, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempts, Therapy, idk how to tag, rated mature because of said mentions of suicide, this is pretty sappy if you ask me, time-lapse, wrote this instead of studying heh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:08:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_lord_15/pseuds/star_lord_15
Summary: Taeyong realized that he was just a fragment of Doyoung's imagination and he was determined to help his best friend until the end of the line, until the day he would disappear.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	If only

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after a friend showed me a writting prompt that stuck to me. No beta reading and not really proofread either, but i'll get to it after i finish my exams, maybe on the train ride back home, who knows.

_"Dongyoung, please" begged Taeyong._

_The man itself turned around, facing away from his best friend._

_"Dongyoung, listen. I know how you feel about this, but you can't keep living like this" the pink-haired man insisted._

_"Like what?" came Donyoung's outburst "Look, Yong, I don't know what you think you know about me, but you're wrong."_

_Taeyong took a step back._

_"Doyoungie, how many times have I stopped you from kiling yourself?" Taeyong asked, his voice lower, but with a sort of gravity in it that Doyoung couldn't really understand. Or, better said, didn't want to._

_Doyoung remained silent, his gaze falling to the floor._

_"Answer me"_

_"Too many," the brunette answered after a long pause "way too many."_

_Taeyong took a few steps forward, arms wrapping around his friend's figure to pull him into a gentle hug._

_"Please, Dongyoung..." was all Taeyong had said, but Doyoung understood. He decided._

~

It had been a couple of months since Doyoung had accepted to see a psyhologist. It was all Taeyong's credit, that's what he had told his parents when he gave them the news. He didn't understand the meaning behind the look the two shared so he decided to ignore it. He had gotten used to it, especially since he didn't blame his parents. It wasn't their fault that they ended up with a mentally ill kid. 

Doyoung was good though. He wanted to make the people around him happy, so when Taeyong had begged him to go to teraphy, he knew that it would make things easier for everyone. And, to be completely frank, he didn't hate it. Miss Lee was calm and understanding and Doyoung had come to like and trust her quickly. 

The only thing that was bothering him the most about the situation was that he wasn't meeting up with taeyong as much as before. He had no idea where his best friend was or what he was doing, but again, he decided to not think too much about it. Maybe the male was busy. 

Doyoung hadn't mentioned Taeyong to his psychologist. He didn't know why, he just didn't think it was important. 

Then, one day, she mentioned something; a sympthom people like him showed, but Doyoung didn't want to listen until the end. He didn't want to imagine something like that could be even real. He denied even the smallest possibility. 

And he ran home just to find Taeyong in his room, waiting for him. 

~

Taeyong wasn't dumb. He wasn't one to be fooled by anything, yet here he was, in the corner of Doyoung's room, curled into a ball with tears streaming down his face. 

_You're not real._

There was a voice in his head that kept repeating those dreadful words. He kept hearing Doyoung's voice, calling him his best friend, telling him stories of how they met, laughing about how little and childish they both were. It all made him cry harder, as those were the only memories he had. 

His whole life was revolving around Doyoung, yet he failed to notice. 

_You're not real._

The voice whispered to him again and, maybe, he was starting to believe it. 

Doyoung, his best friend, was healing. He was seeing a psychologist, as per his request, and he was visibly doing better. 

There were no fresh wounds on his body, only old scars, the dark circles under his eyes were still there, but not as proeminent and his nightmares seemed to have went away as well. Doyoung was better, yet he himself wasn't.

He found himself falling into a pit of anxiety and fear, realizing that his only friend didn't need him anymore. 

It all hit him at once, the realization of how he came to exist. Of why he was there and why he was slowly dissapearing. 

Taeyong was the manifestation of Doyoung's mind, of his anxiety and loneliness. Child Dongyoung wanted a friend so that's what he made himself; a friend in the form of Taeyong. In time, Taeyong had become Doyoung's voice of reason, his anchor and his safe space, always there when he needed him the most. Yet he wasn't even a real person. 

A little voice in his head wondered if Doyoung even felt all the hugs they shared. 

Then, a second later, he imagined how weird Doyoung must have looked hugging thin air or himself. Taeyong just cried a little harder at that. 

~

It took a few days for Taeyong to make peace with the thought that he was just a part of Doyoung's imagination, but when he did, he knew he had to talk to his best friend about it. He had to tel him know and tell him to be prepared for the day Taeyong would stop existing. 

Doyoung didn't take it well. 

~

_"This can't be happening. This... this is impossible" Doyoung had stuttered with hot tears streaming down his face._

_Taeyong just watched, his own cheeks wet with tears, but he remained quiet._

_"H... How do you... How can you..." Doyoung tried to speak "How can you not be real when you've been here all my life?" he finally managed to get the words out. His voice was heartbreaking, heavy sobs coming out of his throat._

_Silence fell upon them, neither being able to look at the other._

_"She said... that there are people who make up other people because they're lonely, but I never thought that I would be one..." Doyoung had confessed in the end._

_"I always though I was real... And in a way, I was. I am, still" Taeyong spoke for the first time since tears have started to stain their faces. "I may not be a real person, but I am real, Dongyoung. I'm just... A part of you that you shaped differitely" there was a small smile on his face as he continued._

_"I don't want to lose you, Yong. You've been the only constant in my life, I can't imagine not being with you" there was desperation coating Doyoung's voice, a kind that just shattered Taeyong's heart._

_He didn't want to leave either._

_"Doyo, I will be here for as long as you need me. I'll be with you until the end of the line, it's just... At some point I won't be here like this, I'll just be a voice in your head, a thought you have that guides you. A little flash of hope when you need it" Taeyong had a gentle smile on his lips, his voice soft while his hands reached for Doyoung's._

_Taking a few steps closer until the two were face to face, the pick-haired male locked their eyes. There was sadness all over both their faces, but Taeyong knew how to confort Doyoung. He has done it all his life._

_"The day I disappear is the day you'll learn to love yourself. Since the first time we met, my life purpose was to love you. And I love you more than you can imagine" his voice was a whisper, but Doyoung heard him perfectly. "I just wish that when you don't need me anymore, you will love yourself as much as I love you."_

_Doyoung felt more tears falling down his cheeks as he hugged his best friend. A silent promise was made then and Doyoung wanted to keep it._

_~_

Fast forward another couple of months, Taeyong started showing up less the more Doyoung felt like he was getting better. His best friend always showed up late at night, whenever Doyoung was thinking of the worst. He was always there to reassure him, hug and kiss his forehead, all while making sure the bad thoughts were chased away by soft giggles and stories about the stars. 

Taeyong was the happiest when he saw Doyoung smile and he knew that if he was real, he would have fallen so deeply in love with him. 

Deep down, both Taeyong and Doyoung believed that they could have been soulmates.

_~_

Doyoung didn't know when it happened. He had no idea when he really started accepting himself and even loving himself, but he realized one day that he didn't need Taeyong anymore. He realized that he didn't have his best friend anymore and that he was all alone. And because of the bad thoughts, Taeyong showed himself in front of Doyoung one last time. 

It wasn't for long, just a few minutes that Taeyong used to ressure Doyoung, again and again, that he will always be there for him in the form of happy thoughts and encouragements. 

Doyoung let him go with a smile on his face.

He was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it^-^  
> Stalk me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/purpleemango) heh~


End file.
